COURT IN SESSION


The accused: Mcdonald's French Fries aka MFF


Crime: Tempting people into eating it


Background of the accused:


-was a potato at birth


- has a glycaemic index of 75 (this means that it raises your blood sugar really fast)


-contains acrylamide (exposure to large doses can cause damage to the male reproductive glands. [HAHAHA.] Direct exposure to pure acrylamide by inhalation, skin absorption, or eye contact irritates the exposed mucous membranes, e.g. the nose, and can also cause sweating, urinary incontinence, nausea, myalgia, speech disorders, numbness, paresthesia, and weakened legs and hands. In addition, the acrylamide monomer is a potent neurotoxin. Acrylamide reliably produces various types of cancer in experimental mice and rats. However, studies in human populations have failed to produce consistent results, and it remains unclear whether this is due to a reduced risk in a natural setting or the methodological difficulties inherent in such studies.)


-one McDonald's large fries contains 8g of trans fat


MFF: You can't blame me! I didn't ask to be invented or marketed! I have a list of the people you can accuse, just don't blame me for all the fats that are going around.




Private and Confidential: MFF's List of People Who Should Be Blamed


-The chef who first discovered the process of double-frying potatoes (this makes fries crisp on the outside and fluffy inside) in the 1890s


-The American soldiers who returned from the trenches of World War One and asked their wives to cook French fries (this created a market for deep-fat fryers).


-The McDonald brothers-Dick and Mac who reopened their fast-food diner in San Bernardino, California with and idea of removing everything on the menu that required the use of utensils. Their business boomed as people drove a long way for their hamburgers fries and milkshakes. They sold so many milkshakes that they had ordered 10 Prince Castle Multi-Mixer machines to help them mix many milkshakes simultaneously.


-The 52 yr old salesman for the Prince Castle Company-Ray Croc who went to work with the McDonalds and went on to buy out their name and methods, building an empire. He and his team perfected the method of curing potatoes in a warehouse, so that some of the starch in the potatoes would turn into sugar (this causes them to turn a lovely golden brown when fried).


-The greatest potato baron in history-J.R. Simplot of Idaho. After World War II he hired a team of chemists to research the concept of frozen potatoes and discovered that French fries, which needed to be cooked twice, could be frozen between the first cooking and the second which meant that fries no longer need to be fully prepared on site. (In 1965 Ray Croc agreed to let him provide McDonald's with frozen French fries).


-The great mastermind of supersizing-David Wallerstein, a Mcdonald's executive in the 1970s. While managing cinemas in the 1960s he discovered that he could increase profits by offering bigger servings of popcorn and proposed the idea to Ray Croc. Ray Croc only agreed after he was convinced by David claiming that people would rather buy one big bag than two smaller bags as they do not want to look like gluttons. This caused the serving portions of McDonald's fries to grow from: 1960 regular serving-68g, 200 calories. to now large portion-160g, 450 calories.




Judge Sarah: I'm sorry. All the people you have listed are already dead, or too old to be convicted for such crimes. Therefore do you plead guilty and accept all responsibilities pertaining to this case?


MFF: Yes.

Judge Sarah: You are sentenced to spend a lifetime in jail, for causing obesity, tempting people and indirectly killing humans.